The recent entering of James Joyce’s oeuvre into the public domain has led to a surge of renewed interest in his writing. The following excerpts have been pulled from just a few of the many exciting new editions of Joyce’s most famous works that publishers the world over have planned for the coming weeks and months:
From The Barefoot Schoolhouse’s illustrated copy of “The Dead”:
Yep, the TV weather guy got it right: it is snowing lots and lots all over the land of Ireland.
From the Little Debbie Appreciation Society’s YouTube! video “Molly’s Soliloquy”:
…yes first I gave him the bit of Banana Pudding Roll out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my Gosh after that long kiss I ate a whole box of those Zebra Cakes and yes then there were the Star Crunches and they weren’t melted one bit and oh yes the Swiss Rolls so many Swiss Rolls…
From the Life Affirmations pamphlet “Araby”:
Gazing up into the darkness I saw myself as a valuable, lovable person driven to succeed and destined to manifest my dreams; and my eyes misted over with courage and positivity.
From the CleanReadz version of the Nausicaa episode of Ulysses:
O — all your — — — I saw — — made me — — — we two — — — she — — — — — met him — — — — — — — your wife — — — — — — young eyes — — — dreams return — — — — — — — — next year — — — — — — — — –.
From the Lola loves Max 4Ever Press version of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man:
16 April: So outie!
The music be pumpin’ over in Amsterdam. I hear they voices hollerin’ ‘Get ya’ bad self on over here. It’s time to get sweaty on the dance floor. It’s time to shake you’re groove thang. You one of us now.’
26 April: Ma is packin’ my new pimp threads. She’s gettin’ all up in my face about learnin’ something and absence makes the heart grow fonder. Whatevs. I’m gonna go tear up the continent. I’m gonna represent.
27 April: Irish and proud, yo! It’s go time.
From the ending of Pageant Pride’s version of “A Mother”:
They thought that they had only a girl to deal with and that therefore, they could ride roughshod over her. But she would show them their mistake. They wouldn’t have dared to have treated her like that if she had been a man. But she would see that her daughter got her rights: she wouldn’t be fooled.
So she made a big fuss, and the promoter gave her daughter four more concerts, and a talent agent was in the audience for the second performance. And then three talent agents the next night. And then fifteen for the final performance. And after that there was a bidding war, and her daughter signed a huge contract with CAA, and she was officially made her daughter’s manager with business cards and everything, and eventually the two of them also got their own reality show. And her daughter had a successful career, but everybody knew it was all thanks to her mom. The end.
From 17th Earl Publishing’s version of Ulysses:
Sitting at his side Stephen solved out the problem. He proved by algebra that Edward de Vere’s ghost is Hamlet’s grandfather.
NOTE: the Dothraki translation of Finnegan’s Wake has been stalled by a dispute over whether or not animacy, which affects noun declensions, should be ignored or not when dealing with the many portmanteaus in the original text.